This is not an autobiography, but a flow of stories and fractional thoughts coded together, in which you may find "me" somewhere.
Me
Who am I? This question usually arises when we are asked, “Who are you?” and when I sat down to write about my life, I again got stuck in the question “who am I”. This question arose a number of times in my life. And so I started thinking about it, here are my thoughts about it:
Who am I is not a question, its a quest which if once started can be carried on for ever. Each and every person in this universe will pass over this thought for at least once in his lifetime. This is a thought, which transforms itself in to a state of being. The thought starts about everything around you and inside you. Here the thinking is in a development process. It starts in limitations and when it develops it travels to the outer world-the cosmic consciousness where it has no limitations. Its like a bird flying out from its eggshell, once it is out, it has no limitations.
This very thought, who am I has four phases or stages. In the first stage you ask yourself the question ‘Who you are?’ Most people stop by there itself, as it is a question that can perplex you, consume a lot of time and sometimes even mislead you.
Some go on with the thought, keen to get some answers, they refer books or even google the net. They get satisfied with the info they get from these; most ‘learned knowledgeable’ persons have this information. The information they will pass on is I am brahmam or ‘Aham Brahmasmi’. Ask them what is this Brahmam? Most will not know and some if has read something will say some Sanskrit verses which even they wont know the meaning of and finally come into the conclusion that Brahmam is what resides within you and all other living beings in the universe; and things like that. Some people stop their search there. Now they have the answer that they are Brahmam, even if they don’t know what it actually means. They believe and feel they are some one important and get egoistic. There ends the second stage.
Some go further with the thought, as the answers of the so-called informed great men couldn’t satisfy them. This is the third stage. Here a simple question can arise in your mind. If you are brahmam and all the living beings in the entire universe are related to us (Vasudaiva Kudumbakam) then why don’t I get hurt and feel the pain when someone in the world dies or is in trouble? This is one question that takes you back to the age-old question ‘Who am I?’
We all are great people aren’t we? I’m the son of or daughter of very respected, honored parents from a high society. I have a big house, a car and have 7 scored salaries and high life styles. Aren’t we great?
Yes we all are great. Just a small question where are we living?
v I live in a house, which has four members, and I’m the fourth
v Our house is in a housing colony, which has other 300 houses,
v The colony is a part of the block, which has thousands of such colonies, which make a block.
v There are four blocks.
v These blocks make the town and I live in Trivandrum district,
v Which is a part of kerala state, which has 13 other such districts
v Kerala is a small state in the big country India.
v India, the country has 28 other states, some much bigger than Kerala
v India is a part of the continent Asia that has many other countries also.
v There are also other 7 continents and the whole make the world.
v Our world, Earth is a part of the planetary system, which has nine planets,
v These planets are a subsystem of the solar system under Milky Way galaxy.
v Milky way is but one of billions of galaxies in the universe.
We still don’t know whether these galaxies are subsystems of some other greater hierarchy.
So let me ask again, … are we great?
This realization of truth is haunting and frightening. This can sometimes weaken us. Most people stop their search with this, as the facts they face are frightening. This is the third stage. This is the most difficult stage to overcome as from here one can go straight back to his world with a faulty realization that the search is a never-ending one. He will just follow the mass and go with it or one can with strong will cross the inhibitions and continue the search.
This is the fourth stage, which can make you feel large and great without the negative ego state ‘id’. The realization that you are a subsystem of an entire universe and the fact that the same factor, which is in the entire universe, is, that which is resting in you, can make you feel the one. Now you start realizing ‘Aham Brahmasmi’. This stage cannot be explained but has to be experienced. You wont get the idea by reading about it.
Now you realize that not only living but also non-living things are made up of the same factor. You realize that existence is important and not matter, as matter exists because of its existence. This existence is one for all living and non-living things. Now you realize that you are not a human nor animal, not man nor woman, nor born nor dead but you are a state of being.
Now you realize that the search was not a fractional thought that arose in you out of nowhere, but it was a thought that was handed over to the mankind from the day he was born and is still going on. Those who find, those who believe are blessed ones. They find happiness. In this state you rise to the state of ‘Ahambhodham’ from ‘Ahamkari’ and lose the feeling of ‘Ahambhavi’. Now you realize that the search you did for the answer in the books and through knowledge men were worthless, they were just steps or arrow signs, all which pointed to the only place where you could find the answer – and that is within yourself. Inside every man lie the questions and the answers, as all the questions of the world rose from some mind. The problem is that you have to ask the right question to get the right answer.
A story popped in my mind ‘once there was a little fish. He asked every other fish in the pond “what is water?” some laughed at him and some started thinking about it. Some replied that the water is what we live in. But the little fish was not happy enough he said, “OK, I understand I’m living in it but I cant experience it. How can I believe that this is water or whether water exists, as I cannot experience it?” some fishes took him to an old wise fish. The old one said, come with me and I’ll help you understand. Thus he took the little fish to a place near the shore and asked him to climb and sit on top of the old fish. Just as he climbed upon the old fish, the old one shook him hard and threw the little fish to the shore. Now the little fish was on the shore and fluttering hard to get back to water. He jumped from shore to water and the moment he touched water he realized what water was. This is a story, which depicts various stages of the quest.
To know what the truth is we have to go out of it to watch it, only then we realize that it exists. But it is difficult, rather impossible. We will be like the sugar, that which liked to know the tongue or the salt stone, which liked to know the ocean. Nuclear physicists often get held in these kinds of situations. To study the movement of nuclear atoms, they have to first find a position where he is not distracted by another molecule. But he will never find one.
Likewise man wanders around for answers for his sorrows forgetting the fact that the real happiness lies within him. I don’t know whether I have conveyed anything or whether you have understood anything. I just wrote all these stuff just because of the question that arose in me, which kicked out for a wander hood in to the thoughts. Actually life can also be led happily and quite normally even if we do not think about these things, but these realizations and knowledge helps us to lead a more meaningful life. Take life as it is. Its quite simple, we sometimes make it complicated. Think and you’ll get the answers for all. Human mind should develop from its self-centeredness to the concept of one in all and all in one.
I don’t know where I started writing this and where I’m now, sorry so - ‘back to Me’
